Weird s*** my mom says

My mom is from south Texas, which means… she has a very interesting vocabulary. There were times in my life when I tried to use her sayings, thinking thinking they were normal, only to get that side-eye “wtf did you just say” look from friends and peers. Some of my favorites are below:

Shoot a monkey cross-eyed – This is basically when she wants to use a curse word, but stops herself with enough time to transition to wishing violence on monkeys.
I’ll knock you naked into next Tuesday – When I did anything wrong… Not too far from this was “I brought you into this world, I’ll take you out!”
Bless yer heart – Now this one might be more typical… It’s a nice southern ladies’ way of saying “well aren’t you just a total idiot?!”

That’s all for now. Bless ya’lls hearts right into next Tues-dee!